101 LUBES ~ Here are 13 ways you probably aren’t but totally should be using lube

The amount of times I’ve hooked up with a guy only for him to be like, “I’ve never used lube before,” is legit kind of horrifying. Lube has a reputation for being “for old people” or people who are “dried up” but like, did you really think the 30 seconds of manic making out and pawing at my boobs were going to make me that wet, Josh? Every sexual encounter can be improved upon by using lube. Legit every single one. Lube makes sex more comfortable and pleasurable for everyone involved, and gives you room to get more creative with sex. Silicone is especially great for shower or pool hookups or anal because it stays slicker for longer, and won’t wash away in water. Just know some silicone-based lubes can break down condoms, so use a backup birth control method and communicate clearly with your partners about STIs.

Now for the fun stuff: Here are 13 ways you probably aren’t but totally should be using lube. Go forth, and enjoy the slippery ride.

1. Use it for hand jobs and fingering.

Real talk: if the idea of rubbing your dry palms on your partner’s penis—or alternatively, spitting into your hands every few minutes—seems meh, have I got news for you! A generous helping of lube will make even the most awkward hand job–giver look like a bona fide handy expert. Lubing up his penis and your hand will ensure that any movement feels heavenly, and gives you more room to experiment with new techniques.

Same with fingering. Is there anything worse than a clammy finger exploring underneath your underwear when you’re not wet? Nope. Make things easier for both the fingerer and the fingeree by applying some lube to both the receiver’s vulva and clitoris and the giver’s fingertips for maximum sensation sans uncomfy friction.

2. Use it during cunnilingus.

Look, dry mouth happens to the best of us. Whether you’re on certain medications that give you cotton-mouth or you’re just, like, straight up dehydrated, getting/giving head with a sandpaper tongue is an uncomfortable experience for everyone involved. Add a bit of unflavored (flavored lubes could cause irritation) lube to the receiver’s vulva before diving in, and everyone will be a little bit happier.

3. Use it pre–dry hump sesh.

Using lube during an act called dry humping might seem counterintuitive: but bear with me. If you can excuse yourself and sneak off into your bathroom for a second before things get hot and heavy, try applying a little bit of lube to your vulva and clitoris before any dry humping commences. (Bonus: If you feel uncomfy about applying lube during sex in front of your partner, this cuts out any performance anxiety in front of an audience.)

The vagina responds more to pressure rather than friction, sex therapist Cyndi Darnell previously explained to Cosmopolitan. This is but one reason dry humping is considered better than sex to some. By lubing yourself up, you have more room to amp up the pleasure-inducing pressure without the potential of an underwear rug-burn.

4. Break it out before penetrative sex even happens.

Lube has this reputation as being something you pull in off the bench during penetrative sex when a partner is having a harder time maintaining their own lubrication, and this is total BS. Help break this taboo by bringing your new slick friend out during foreplay. Have a partner place some in their palm and grind your vulva and labia against it for a new twist on a hand job for women.

5. Use it for a warming massage.

The first rule of using warming lube (it heats up with any body-to-body contact or friction) is to never use it without telling your partner first (unless you want them thinking you’ve just put Icy Hot in their private parts). Other than that, there really are no rules–go forth and heat things up! One suggestion? Use a few dollops on your partner’s (or your own) nipples for nipple stimulation that’s literally hotter than ever.

6. Use it to amp up his orgasm.

During sex with a male partner, dab a few little droplets of lube onto his perineum—aka the extra-sensitive spot between his scrotum and anus. Just before he orgasms, lightly tap your finger on the lubed-up spot to change the whole damn game and send him over the edge.

7. Use it when you masturbate.

Yes, even sex with yourself can be improved with lube. If you have dry hands, no need to use a moisturizing lotion that could contain unwanted chemicals, especially because you don’t want those ingredients inside you. Just apply a few drops of a water-based lube to your finger before touching yourself for a smoother feel.

8. Use it when you masturbate with a vibrator.

Imagine the electrifying pulse of your favorite vibrator hitting all the right spots. Now imagine using that same toy to gently glide over your clitoris with the same power, but a totally different, more fluid sensation. A dab of lube on a vibrator is a total game-changer. Just be careful: If your sex toy is made of silicone, you’ll definitely want to use a water-based lube, since silicone lubes can deteriorate soft rubber.

9. Use it during vaginal intercourse, obvi.

There’s no wrong way to use lube during intercourse. You can apply it directly to your body, or to the penis or condom itself. My personal rule of thumb is to start with a dime-size dollop and work up from there. Sure, you may encounter a point at which it’s too much (he’s slipping everywhere, it’s dripping excessively on the sheets), but that's easily remedied with a paper towel. You don’t want to reduce all the friction, but that threshold is personal for everyone and you’ll know it when you feel it.

10. Use it inside the condom.

First off, no guy should ever whine about how using a condom “ruins sex.” Buck up, my man. But if your partner is looking for more ways to increase feeling while being protected, Eric Garrison, sexologist and author of Mastering Multiple-Position Sex, has a suggestion. “Many guys complain that a condom diminishes the sensation,” Garrison previously told Cosmopolitan.com. “Adding a little lube ups the sensitivity he feels inside the latex.” If you put a drop or two inside the rubber before you unroll it, that might unlock a world of feeling, and it should certainly be enough to shut him up.

11. Use it during anal intercourse (obvi).

While you might hit a limit of “yeah, too much” during vaginal intercourse, that threshold will be much lower with anal sex, because unlike your vagina, your booty does not create its own lubricant to make things slidey and glidey. SO LOAD IT ON THERE! When it comes to any butt stuff, too much lube and precaution are never enough.

12. Use it during a blowjob.

This might sound counterintuitive, but it's true! Sex therapist Gina Ogden, PhD, author of The Return of Desire, previously explained: “Women often use spit, but it can be hard to muster up enough. A flavored lube provides enough wetness that your jaw won’t get as tired.” So there you have it…

13. Use it for a sexy massage.

Why not try a body-safe lube during nonsexual foreplay? A few squirts can turn a back massage from relaxing to “holy hell, your touch is electrifying, can we please have sex right now?”

cosmopolitan by CARINA HSIEH, HANNAH SMOTHERS and ALI DRUCKER 

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Keep Your Marriage Hot – 14 Relationship Experts Explain How

 

How to Keep Sex Alive in Marriage

Great sex in marriage requires effort and creativity. Learn the best tips on how to keep your marriage hot from 14 relationship experts.

Set the Stage for Passion

April Masini, known to millions for her ‘Ask April’ relationship advice column, reminds us that great sex in marriage doesn’t always “just happen.” Often sexual intimacy requires effort and creativity. Think back to when you were trying to make a good impression on those early dates and rekindle that vibe.

“Strategic planning is part of keeping the X in your sex life. Things don’t always fall into place, but if you set the stage, they’re much more likely to. For instance, create the mood with music, candles, and other nice lighting, and wear what you think he or she will find attractive. Light a fire in the fireplace, have the wine or champagne chilled and don’t worry about what’s for dinner — have takeout ready to go. You’ll be setting the stage for sex without indicating so.”

April suggests an upgrade on the traditional date. “If you’re both stressed, consider a massage instead of a movie. Either do it yourself or hire someone to come in…and then leave! Make your dinner and a movie date a light take-out sushi, sensuous couples massage, and some crisp wine or cocktails that aren’t too syrupy or sweet, to create a mood for sex.”

Make Time for Sex

The effectiveness of smart planning is echoed by Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Partners in Passion. They acknowledge the difference between spontaneous sex and a precalculated rendezvous but admit that in today’s hectic world, a bit of planning can pay off in the bedroom.

“Schedule at least two erotic encounters a week for the next month. It’s up to you whether these encounters include orgasms for one or both of you. Take note of how this affects your general level of desire. We suggest that couples take extra-long lunch breaks so that they can meet at home for an early afternoon tryst. This type of weekly ritual keeps partners feeling hot for each other.”

While spontaneity is often equated with romance, don’t kid yourself into thinking that you’re not already part of a plan, as Patricia Johnson points out. “For most couples, dating is effectively a form of engaging in scheduled sex. Even if sex in this context feels spontaneous, it has actually been planned. Thus, scheduling sex is okay for most people, in certain contexts, provided they don’t openly acknowledge the scheduling.”

Nonsexual Intimate Touch is Critical

While no sexpert will deny the importance of touching as a key component in intimate sexual relations, relationship coach and author Lisa Hayes points out that touching outside of sex is just as vital to a steamy romance.

“When two people first meet they can’t keep their hands off of each other. They hold hands when they sit next to each other. They snuggle on the sofa when they watch TV. They touch in passing as often as they can. They crave the touch and that kind of touch fuels sexual desire. As a relationship progresses and life takes over, that kind of touch tends to diminish. But you want the fire in the bedroom to continue to burn hot.

Nonsexual touch defines two people as a couple even more than sex does. It stimulates oxytocin production which is the bonding brain chemical. Foreplay starts way before you take your clothes off. Nonsexual intimate touch is a very important part of foreplay and it should be happening all day every day. When it’s happening, two people are far more open to each other both emotionally and physically.”

 

Talk About Sex More, Money Less

When we asked Lisa Hayes for marriage advice that doesn’t involve touching, she was quick to point out that what you discuss (and don’t discuss) as a couple can impact your relationship in unusual ways.

“Both sex and money are often very charged topics, however, couples will find a way to talk about or fight about money a lot. It’s very common for sex to be a topic that is almost taboo between two people who sleep together and share a life. I’m always surprised by what people can’t talk about when it comes to their bodies. Sex needs to be something that a couple can discuss freely if their sex life is going to evolve. If a sex life doesn’t evolve it will die.”

But how can couples open up about subjects that they may not be comfortable talking about? Apparently, practice is the key. Hayes says, “The easiest way to normalize the subject of sex is to talk about it a lot. Even if you can’t talk about your sex life, you can still talk about sex in general. You can always tell what a couple’s priorities are by noticing how much time they spend discussing anything. Kids, jobs, and money are usually at the top of the list. Sex needs to be there at the top if two people are going to stay connected.”

Relationship therapy team Judith Claire and Frank Wiegers are the authors of So THAT’S Why They Do That! Men, Women, and Their Hormones. They agree with Ms. Hayes’s advice on initiating an open dialog about sex with your spouse.

“Communicating about sex can be difficult for some while others want to talk about it all of the time. It’s not a good idea to have serious sex talks while you are in the process of making love. The only talk you want during the lovemaking process is words of love and endearment. If there are some issues that you want to resolve around your sex life, it’s best to broach the subject somewhere else — like the living room or better yet on a walk or over coffee. A fun way to start is to ask each other for five fun things that you like about sex and then follow up with five things that you don’t like about sex.”

Use Technology to Heat Up Your Marriage

Lifestyle strategist Natalie Blais has a different opinion of phones and computers. “Rather than viewing technology as something that takes away from a relationship, couples can use it to draw closer, enhance the romance and keep their relationship on track and sexy.”

While this advice may seem contrary to the experts who tell you to unplug, Blais has a more realistic approach to how you can turn your electronic device into a relationship saver. “Couples in 2015 need to learn how to use technology to their advantage! With the ability to video chat, text, message, Facebook, tweet and so much more, it is monumentally easier to stay close, connected, and intimate.”

When asked for examples of what sort of content works best, Natalie explains. “If you took one minute each day to send your mate a sexy text message, a short mini strip tease video, a quick series of photos imagining your sexual encounter that coming evening, whatever the mood strikes you. Leverage the tools that are literally at your fingertips to keep those interactions red-hot. Couples who are flirty, fun, and playful will stand the test of time and the test of their relationship.”

What Does SEXY Mean to You?

When we asked Los Angeles-based psychologist Dr. Judy Rosenberg for her advice on how to keep your marriage hot, she came back with this fun acronym for S.E.X.Y.

S is for safety- Without safety, emotional and otherwise, you can’t have a marriage. Safety means protecting your spouse’s feelings.

E is for energy – You have to invest energy into your marriage, sexual and otherwise. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100 percent.

X is for X factor – It’s the wildcard. Surprise your spouse in a way that makes the person feels X-tra special: flowers, surprise sexual romps, picnics, trips, etc.

Y is for yes – Forget the computer and cell phone, and spend quality time with your loved one. Try to eliminate “No, I don’t have time” from your vocabulary for a bit and just say yes, as long as it’s not offensive or abusive.

“Remember, SEXY is the relationship — mind, body, and soul,” says Rosenberg. “SEXY is when all three come together to enhance each person and create a 1+1=3, meaning that the collective we become more than who we are individually.”

Adults Need Playdates Too

Cammi Balleck, author of Happy, The New Sexy, advises couples to “accept each other for who they are and don’t try to change each other.” She explains that people can strengthen their bonds in simple ways. “Express appreciation every day for one thing. Do activities that you did together when you fell in love. My husband and I fell in love while climbing mountains. Every time we climb it brings our sexy back.”

Balleck’s advice about finding activities that bond you and your partner is cosigned by many relationship experts, such as parenting coach Monique Prince. She takes the tip a step further and suggests couples “Be brave and try new things together. Whether it’s a game of checkers or sky diving, do something together often.”

Prince makes an excellent point that often gets overlooked when planning dates with your mate. “Don’t keep dates for nighttime only. If Sunday is your only day off, Sunday afternoon can be your date night — or a weekday morning. Be open to different times of day to have a date with your spouse.”

Dates don’t have to be elaborate, it’s the togetherness that counts. Prince mentions one free date idea that can do wonders for a marriage. “Take a walk and ask about the best part and worst part of the other’s day. Listen to each other’s needs and meet them.” Once your partner feels appreciated, intimacy will follow, and often the sex will be improved.

“Sex separates the married from the unmarried so have a ball. Make love a lot and in a variety of places. Back rubs, massages, and taking a tub or shower together is wonderful,” says Prince. “Make sure both feel satisfied sexually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.”

Need some inspiration to get on the right track? We’ve got you covered – these 21 sexy date ideas will work with any budget (including no budget), and will have you cozied up to your partner in no time.

 

Role Play As Much As You Can

“Nothing beats boredom in the marriage more than a sexy romp of ‘Doctor and Nurse’,” says Sandy Daley, relationship columnist and author of Whose Vagina Is It, Really? “Plus this gets you out of character and you might learn a thing or two about your partner’s likes and dislikes.”

Daley urges people to not be afraid of experimenting. “Couples need to let themselves be ‘uncomfortable’ during intimacy. Only through experimentation are they able to get to a higher place. Of course, there should always be the opportunity to stop if you begin to feel too uncomfortable during any intimate act.”

On the topic of playing out your fantasies, Judith Claire concurs. “Role-playing games are fun. Try scenarios such as pizza man and horny housewife, teacher and pupil, doctor/patient, sheik/harem girl, cowboy/schoolmarm, or cop/hooker. Costumes can be fun too. Light B&D (bondage and discipline) with cuffs and ropes including light spanking can also be exciting.”

Sexy Costumes: Not Just for Halloween

One common theme that several of our pros hit upon is the effectiveness of lingerie and kinky costumes to help the ladies feel sexy and confident while offering their spouse some arousing eye candy that signifies an evening is about to heat up. 

Relationship expert Hope A. Rising puts this theory to the test in her own relationship. “Once or twice a month I like to go to the adult store and buy sexy costumes, then create a theme around the costume. My guy never knows when he comes home who is going to greet him at the door or what the evening holds for him.”

Our resident sexologist, Dr. Jess gave similar advice in a recent AskMen interview with Aly Walansky. “I work at a few erotic resorts in the Caribbean (Desire Resorts and Hedonism II) and the couples have so much fun picking their outfits and dressing up that they can’t help but reignite the spark!”

Dr. Jess understands the psychology behind roleplaying, and offers this interesting tidbit of information:

“Oftentimes, the most appealing roles are those that stray most significantly from our lived reality. If you manage great responsibility at work or in the home, you may derive great pleasure from indulging in a submissive role. And if you spend most of your days catering to everyone else’s needs, playing a selfish role may be the perfect escape from reality.”

Sparking the Fire and Keeping it Burning

Although Tiffany Mason, a life coach who specializes in “designing a meaningful marriage,” didn’t see the advice that the rest of our relationship panel offered — her actionable tips perfectly summarize and reiterate what the others suggest to keep your marriage hot:

● Drink a glass of wine and eat a piece of chocolate with your partner

● Turn off the television and light some candles

● Surprise your spouse by giving them a back massage before they fall asleep

● Dress up in sexy lingerie when your husband comes home from work

● Send your lover a naked photo of yourself

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So what’s the secret to keeping the passion burning in your marriage? The answer to “how to keep sex alive in marriage” boils down to being open, giving, playful, committed, bold, creative, and, of course, keeping your sex sessions well lubricated. Do you have any tips that have worked to keep your marriage hot over the years? If so, please share your own secrets to marital bliss by tweeting us @ASTROGLIDE!

When She Asks You To Be 'More Romantic,' This Is What She Really Means

Romantic expressions may be grand or expensive, but they certainly don't need to be!

Women love romance and its mysterious nature. There's something about those intimate gestures of true love and deep affection from the one who gets our emotions flowing that stirs up our most passionate nature in an instant.

When a man goes out of his way to make sure the woman he loves knows he was thinking of her when she wasn't around and there was no special occasion he needed to remember, it reminds her of exactly what is was that made her swoon when they first fell for each other.

Romantic expressions may be grand or expensive, but they certainly don't need to be.

The word romantic originated in the seventeenth century when it was used to describe imagination and inventiveness in English storytelling as well as characterizing scenery and paintings.

But what is romance, and what do women mean when they talk about "being romantic"?

Romance is what makes the love between two people so damn amazing. It's what draws the distinguishing line between this relationship and all others in each of your lives.

So when a woman asks you to be more romantic, she isn't asking you to spend more money, to do something spectacular, or to pretend to be old-fashioned in some way you're not.

For most women, being romantic means going out of your way to express tenderness.

It means revealing to her what you already know yourself — that there's something about her that brings out a part of you no one else gets to see.

Being romantic means that as busy as you are, you will always make time — whatever time you can spare — to show her you are there for her and will continue to be.

Being romantic means you are willing to put yourself in an awkward position at times in order to grow with her, for her, and for yourself.

Being romantic means showing her that even though you know she is capable of taking care of herself, you want to take care of her in your own ways — and you want to let her take care of you right back.

There are endless ways to add romance and spice to your relationship in ways that remind her that you cherish, love, and want her (all of which will be returned to you in spades!).

If you want to be more romantic, try taking a hint from this list of 25 examples to show her you understand what romance means to a woman.

25 Examples of Romance

1. Take her for a long walk and talk along the beach.

2. Go out of your way to spend time with her on a day you normally wouldn't.

3. Invite her to slow dance with you in the living room.

4. Bake cookies for her when there is no special reason to at all.

5. Make the first move.

6. Kiss her on the forehead.

7. Help out with chores she typically takes on.

8. Embrace her in a warm hug from behind.

9. Send her sweet text messages to wake up to in the morning and fall asleep to at night.

10. Cook her a delicious meal at home.

11. Order in her favorite dessert and eat it together while watching a romantic movie.

12. Rub her feet, calves, arms, hands, and neck (without expecting anything in return).

13. Stock up the kitchen with her favorite snacks.

14. Wear her favorite cologne, even when there's no reason to other than that she loves the way it smells on you.

15. Plan a playful night of board games for just the two of you.

16. Write little love notes and put them where she can find them unexpectedly, like in her makeup drawer, her pocket, the glove compartment of the car, etc.17. Let her sleep in while you play with the kids and make breakfast.

18. Know how she likes her coffee (and make it or get it for her).

19. Make eye contact with her and hold her hand while you talk over dinner.

20. Sit next to her in the booth or on the same side of the table when you go out to a restaurant so you can snuggle as you chat and eat.

21. Sing (or play) her a song that reminds you of her when she's not around.

22. Make the bed while she's in the shower.

23. Take photos with each other that are meant for just the two of you.

24. Take her out stargazing.

25. Show up with champagne for no reason at all.

 

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