Sex is Great, but It's Not Enough!
In
my life, I've had a fair share of relationships, and I figured I was
pretty in tune with what romance and intimacy were, until I met the man I
am with today. Don't get me wrong, I've had some relationship that were
romantic in nature, but this guy, he just takes it to a whole new
level. Through sharing my life with him, I have realized just how
important and special romance and intimacy, and note I did not mention
sex here, makes me feel, I decided to write an article to help you guys
out there with how to boost intimacy and romance in your relationships.
Ladies, feel free to read and add your own comments, but I'm writing this one to the guys, okay?
Men, you want sex right? You want it hot, passionate, and often, right? Let me lt you in on a secret that will help you get better sex more often - romance and intimacy! When you share romance and intimacy, your woman will be more inclined to be 'intimate' with you in a sexual way - it really is that simple.
You see, drilling it down to a very basic level (yes, I know it's a bit more complex than this, but stick with me) - women have good sex because they are in love - men fall in love when they have good sex. Stereotypical, I know, but it does hold true for a large percentage of relationships.
So guys - take a few hints from my man, and learn how to bring intimacy to your relationship, without breaking the wallet out and spending a fortune.
That brings me to the first point, in fact:
Intimacy and Romance Tip #1:
Flowers and candy are nice, and occasionally for a special occasion these gifts are always pleasant to receive, but when money is tight, these gifts are frivolous, and flowers die and candy is eaten - and then there is nothing left.
For most women, she truly doesn't want you to spend a whole lot of money on her to show her you love and care about her. If she does expect you to spend your entire paycheck just to accommodate her - what are you doing with her? She obviously is only in love with your paycheck, not you!
Now, that's not to say you shouldn't spend money on the woman you love, but intimacy and romance are most definitely NOT tied into how much money you make or spend. So tip number one is to not use money as a crutch for intimacy.
Buying her a bouquet of flowers occasionally, as I said earlier, is perfectly acceptable, but don't expect a gift you bought with cash to bring about the type of intimacy she needs. Try picking a small bouquet of wildflowers and see how she responds compared to the expensive roses you bought at the store.
Intimacy and Romance Tip #2:
Let her know you are thinking about her, other than just how you'd like to get her into bed that night. This really takes very little effort and costs absolutely nothing but your time.
My man sends me several text messages throughout the day while he's at work, just to say he's thinking about me. I find myself really looking forward to these, and if most of the day goes by and I haven't received one yet, I realize how much I miss them!
One morning, I woke after he was already at work, and when I went into the bathroom to take a shower, there, written on the mirror with a bar of soap, was a message from him. I didn't clean it for two days!
One day, I was at a poetry reading I had told him I would be attending while he was at work, and he got off work before the reading ended. He actually drove to the parking lot of the bookstore and left me a card under the windshield of my car.
My mother was going to school to get her masters degree several years ago, while she was married to a man, before he passed away, who would leave her a card under the windshield wiper of her car while it was in the parking lot on the first day of each new semester wishing her luck.
These little reminders that your woman is on your mind even when you are not with her will make her feel special and important and they take very little time and effort on your part for such a large payoff in return.
Intimacy and Romance Tip #3:
Give her a gift for no reason at all and make it something personal or homemade. My man recently made me a couple of CDs for the car that he had burned songs that reminded him of me or us together, and then he made a CD jewel case inset with a short description of why he chose each song. I simply adore listening to these two CDs, and they have quickly become my favorite driving music.
You can write a poem (it won't matter if it stinks, she'll love it anyway), write her a song, write her a letter - I promise, she'll read it for years to come and give her these things for no reason whatsoever - just because!
Intimacy and Romance Tip #4:
Touch your woman! I'm not talking in a sexual or suggestive way either. One of the things that just does it for me is when my man seeks me out before he does anything else and kisses, touches, pats, strokes -- something. It doesn't take much, but when you greet her, it doesn't matter if you have been gone for a few minutes or a few days, touch her, kiss her and hug her. Kiss her goodbye, even if you are just running to the store for a few minutes.
When she's standing at the sink washing dishes or at the stove cooking, come up behind her and put your arms around her. Kiss her neck, stroke or brush her hair - but touch her.
However, if you take that touching and turn it into something sexually suggestive, it doesn't count in the romance and intimacy department. The point here is not to come up behind her and hug her than hump her, but to just touch her and let her know you enjoy the physical presence of her company. The power of touch is amazing - try it, and you'll see.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #5:
Along the lines of touching her, tip number five deals with physical intimacy - but again, without it leading to sex - but goes a bit further. Intimacy and romance are not just about flowers, poetry, love songs, and gifts... a couple should spend time together in physical situations that do not always lead to sexual relations.
Brush her hair, rub lotion on her back or her legs for her, give her a sensual (not sexual) massage, kiss her forehead or fingertips or neck.
Cuddling on the couch, "making out" with no expectations, walking hand in hand, wrapping your arm around her and holding her close at a movie, slow dancing, snuggling under a blanket in front of a fire - these are all physical intimacies that are not sexually related that make such a huge difference for the woman in your life.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #6:
Compliment her. Now, guys, it's important to note here that a woman knows when you are BSing her, so don't compliment her on something you and she both know is a bunch of hooey, but surely there is something about her you can find in any situation that you can compliment her on.
If you are going out for the night and you know she took special care to dress and prepare for the evening, be sure to tell her she looks nice. I know a lot of guys don't notice the little things like a new hair cut or a new outfit, but if you think she looks good, tell her so, and mean it.
Tell her she's beautiful as often as you can think to do it. She may tease you or blush and disagree with you, but I promise you, she will remember every time you tell her how beautiful she is, and she must be, or you would not be with her, now would you? Beauty comes in so many forms, and your woman should feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world - at least to you.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #7:
Surprise her! A few days ago, the man in my life had one of our mutual friends take me out shopping to help him pick out a gift for his girlfriend, while unbeknownst to me, my man snuck in the house and lit a fire in the fireplace and spread a blanket on the floor along with a basket of champagne, cheeses, crackers, deli meats, grapes, and whipped cream.
Little did I know, my kids were in on the surprise too, because my daughter had taken my son to the drive in that night, and we had four glorious hours alone in the house having a winter picnic in front of the fire. It was a wonderful surprise for me and a very romantic and intimate evening.
Find out what the woman in your life likes and surprise her with it, but be careful to plan it well. If she has children, you might want to make sure that childcare is taken care of and you also want to be sure she has no other plans that might spoil the surprise. Taking the time to cover all her 'excuses' so she can truly relax and spend an evening in your charms will really increase her intimacy and romance meter where you are concerned.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #8:
Cook for her! I don't know what it is, but there is just something about a man who can cook and clean that gets my fire going. Granted, I don't want a man to clean my house and do all my chores, but I guarantee you, at least for this woman, a man who is not afraid to or too lazy to pitch in and help around the house will really increase my intimacy meter.
However, what I'm talking about here is actually taking the time to cook her a homemade meal. It's okay if you don't know how to cook. You can buy a lot of pre-cooked or pre-packaged meals or foods from the supermarket to help you along, and you can use the internet for recipe and easy meal ideas. It doesn't have to be a gourmet meal, it just has to be something YOU made for HER.
Then, when the meal is complete, don't let her lift a finger to help with the clean up! Make it her night, where she doesn't have to worry about a single thing - no making dinner, no clearing the table, no cleaning the stove, no washing dishes. You see, the meal will not mean as much if you leave her with all the clean up after.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #9:
Tell her you love her and tell her why you love her too. It's easy sometimes to forget how important these words are. Sure, you should show her you love her every day and you're right, she should know you love her, but it's still always nice to hear it. Don't be afraid to say you love her, and you know what else? It means twice as much if you say it in front of your friends!
As for telling her why you love her, if the words, "I love you" are said like nothing but a habit, they lose their meaning. Be sure you remind her of the reasons why you love her as much as you say you love her.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #10:
Accept her emotions - let her cry! Women cry, and sometimes we do it for no reason at all. This is something men just don't understand, and that's okay. You don't have to understand, but don't ever make her feel bad for being emotional or crying.
Most of the time, it will not be your fault she is crying, and sometimes, tears are because she is happy. I know it can be confusing for you guys to know the difference, but don't automatically assume that if she is crying you have done something wrong. Allow her feelings, and don't feel you have to DO anything except put your arms around her and make her feel safe and protected until the tears pass.
A woman will tend to feel safe with a man who simple allows her to feel emotions and express those outwardly with no fear of recrimination or accusation when she is emotional. Men, you don't have to understand it, just accept that's the way it is, and you'll do just fine.
Of course, there are plenty of other ways to bring intimacy and romance into your relationship, and as my relationship with my romantic man continues, I'm sure he will surprise me with many new ideas that I will share with you in future articles.
Be creative, but also remember to look at it from your woman's point of view before you decide if it is romantic or intimate or not. Remember, sex doesn't equal intimacy and romance for a woman, but when the intimacy and the romance are there for her from you, sex will probably be there for you!
Ladies, feel free to read and add your own comments, but I'm writing this one to the guys, okay?
Men, you want sex right? You want it hot, passionate, and often, right? Let me lt you in on a secret that will help you get better sex more often - romance and intimacy! When you share romance and intimacy, your woman will be more inclined to be 'intimate' with you in a sexual way - it really is that simple.
You see, drilling it down to a very basic level (yes, I know it's a bit more complex than this, but stick with me) - women have good sex because they are in love - men fall in love when they have good sex. Stereotypical, I know, but it does hold true for a large percentage of relationships.
So guys - take a few hints from my man, and learn how to bring intimacy to your relationship, without breaking the wallet out and spending a fortune.
That brings me to the first point, in fact:
Intimacy and Romance Tip #1:
Flowers and candy are nice, and occasionally for a special occasion these gifts are always pleasant to receive, but when money is tight, these gifts are frivolous, and flowers die and candy is eaten - and then there is nothing left.
For most women, she truly doesn't want you to spend a whole lot of money on her to show her you love and care about her. If she does expect you to spend your entire paycheck just to accommodate her - what are you doing with her? She obviously is only in love with your paycheck, not you!
Now, that's not to say you shouldn't spend money on the woman you love, but intimacy and romance are most definitely NOT tied into how much money you make or spend. So tip number one is to not use money as a crutch for intimacy.
Buying her a bouquet of flowers occasionally, as I said earlier, is perfectly acceptable, but don't expect a gift you bought with cash to bring about the type of intimacy she needs. Try picking a small bouquet of wildflowers and see how she responds compared to the expensive roses you bought at the store.
Intimacy and Romance Tip #2:
Let her know you are thinking about her, other than just how you'd like to get her into bed that night. This really takes very little effort and costs absolutely nothing but your time.
My man sends me several text messages throughout the day while he's at work, just to say he's thinking about me. I find myself really looking forward to these, and if most of the day goes by and I haven't received one yet, I realize how much I miss them!
One morning, I woke after he was already at work, and when I went into the bathroom to take a shower, there, written on the mirror with a bar of soap, was a message from him. I didn't clean it for two days!
One day, I was at a poetry reading I had told him I would be attending while he was at work, and he got off work before the reading ended. He actually drove to the parking lot of the bookstore and left me a card under the windshield of my car.
My mother was going to school to get her masters degree several years ago, while she was married to a man, before he passed away, who would leave her a card under the windshield wiper of her car while it was in the parking lot on the first day of each new semester wishing her luck.
These little reminders that your woman is on your mind even when you are not with her will make her feel special and important and they take very little time and effort on your part for such a large payoff in return.
Intimacy and Romance Tip #3:
Give her a gift for no reason at all and make it something personal or homemade. My man recently made me a couple of CDs for the car that he had burned songs that reminded him of me or us together, and then he made a CD jewel case inset with a short description of why he chose each song. I simply adore listening to these two CDs, and they have quickly become my favorite driving music.
You can write a poem (it won't matter if it stinks, she'll love it anyway), write her a song, write her a letter - I promise, she'll read it for years to come and give her these things for no reason whatsoever - just because!
Intimacy and Romance Tip #4:
Touch your woman! I'm not talking in a sexual or suggestive way either. One of the things that just does it for me is when my man seeks me out before he does anything else and kisses, touches, pats, strokes -- something. It doesn't take much, but when you greet her, it doesn't matter if you have been gone for a few minutes or a few days, touch her, kiss her and hug her. Kiss her goodbye, even if you are just running to the store for a few minutes.
When she's standing at the sink washing dishes or at the stove cooking, come up behind her and put your arms around her. Kiss her neck, stroke or brush her hair - but touch her.
However, if you take that touching and turn it into something sexually suggestive, it doesn't count in the romance and intimacy department. The point here is not to come up behind her and hug her than hump her, but to just touch her and let her know you enjoy the physical presence of her company. The power of touch is amazing - try it, and you'll see.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #5:
Along the lines of touching her, tip number five deals with physical intimacy - but again, without it leading to sex - but goes a bit further. Intimacy and romance are not just about flowers, poetry, love songs, and gifts... a couple should spend time together in physical situations that do not always lead to sexual relations.
Brush her hair, rub lotion on her back or her legs for her, give her a sensual (not sexual) massage, kiss her forehead or fingertips or neck.
Cuddling on the couch, "making out" with no expectations, walking hand in hand, wrapping your arm around her and holding her close at a movie, slow dancing, snuggling under a blanket in front of a fire - these are all physical intimacies that are not sexually related that make such a huge difference for the woman in your life.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #6:
Compliment her. Now, guys, it's important to note here that a woman knows when you are BSing her, so don't compliment her on something you and she both know is a bunch of hooey, but surely there is something about her you can find in any situation that you can compliment her on.
If you are going out for the night and you know she took special care to dress and prepare for the evening, be sure to tell her she looks nice. I know a lot of guys don't notice the little things like a new hair cut or a new outfit, but if you think she looks good, tell her so, and mean it.
Tell her she's beautiful as often as you can think to do it. She may tease you or blush and disagree with you, but I promise you, she will remember every time you tell her how beautiful she is, and she must be, or you would not be with her, now would you? Beauty comes in so many forms, and your woman should feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world - at least to you.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #7:
Surprise her! A few days ago, the man in my life had one of our mutual friends take me out shopping to help him pick out a gift for his girlfriend, while unbeknownst to me, my man snuck in the house and lit a fire in the fireplace and spread a blanket on the floor along with a basket of champagne, cheeses, crackers, deli meats, grapes, and whipped cream.
Little did I know, my kids were in on the surprise too, because my daughter had taken my son to the drive in that night, and we had four glorious hours alone in the house having a winter picnic in front of the fire. It was a wonderful surprise for me and a very romantic and intimate evening.
Find out what the woman in your life likes and surprise her with it, but be careful to plan it well. If she has children, you might want to make sure that childcare is taken care of and you also want to be sure she has no other plans that might spoil the surprise. Taking the time to cover all her 'excuses' so she can truly relax and spend an evening in your charms will really increase her intimacy and romance meter where you are concerned.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #8:
Cook for her! I don't know what it is, but there is just something about a man who can cook and clean that gets my fire going. Granted, I don't want a man to clean my house and do all my chores, but I guarantee you, at least for this woman, a man who is not afraid to or too lazy to pitch in and help around the house will really increase my intimacy meter.
However, what I'm talking about here is actually taking the time to cook her a homemade meal. It's okay if you don't know how to cook. You can buy a lot of pre-cooked or pre-packaged meals or foods from the supermarket to help you along, and you can use the internet for recipe and easy meal ideas. It doesn't have to be a gourmet meal, it just has to be something YOU made for HER.
Then, when the meal is complete, don't let her lift a finger to help with the clean up! Make it her night, where she doesn't have to worry about a single thing - no making dinner, no clearing the table, no cleaning the stove, no washing dishes. You see, the meal will not mean as much if you leave her with all the clean up after.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #9:
Tell her you love her and tell her why you love her too. It's easy sometimes to forget how important these words are. Sure, you should show her you love her every day and you're right, she should know you love her, but it's still always nice to hear it. Don't be afraid to say you love her, and you know what else? It means twice as much if you say it in front of your friends!
As for telling her why you love her, if the words, "I love you" are said like nothing but a habit, they lose their meaning. Be sure you remind her of the reasons why you love her as much as you say you love her.
Romance and Intimacy Tip #10:
Accept her emotions - let her cry! Women cry, and sometimes we do it for no reason at all. This is something men just don't understand, and that's okay. You don't have to understand, but don't ever make her feel bad for being emotional or crying.
Most of the time, it will not be your fault she is crying, and sometimes, tears are because she is happy. I know it can be confusing for you guys to know the difference, but don't automatically assume that if she is crying you have done something wrong. Allow her feelings, and don't feel you have to DO anything except put your arms around her and make her feel safe and protected until the tears pass.
A woman will tend to feel safe with a man who simple allows her to feel emotions and express those outwardly with no fear of recrimination or accusation when she is emotional. Men, you don't have to understand it, just accept that's the way it is, and you'll do just fine.
Of course, there are plenty of other ways to bring intimacy and romance into your relationship, and as my relationship with my romantic man continues, I'm sure he will surprise me with many new ideas that I will share with you in future articles.
Be creative, but also remember to look at it from your woman's point of view before you decide if it is romantic or intimate or not. Remember, sex doesn't equal intimacy and romance for a woman, but when the intimacy and the romance are there for her from you, sex will probably be there for you!
